Just look at this guy.. Minus his incredibly epic hair, does that look like the body of a guy who strikes fear into opposing football players? The answer is no, not at all. As a matter of fact, that 6 pack is definitely not real and it may either be photoshopped or shaved into his stomach hair. Once again, minus his silky smooth flowing mane, this looks like a guy who I could easily beat the shit out of. His 5'10 frame, girly voice, tiny arms, non-existent shoulders and borderline man boobs are FAR from alpha and do nothing to scare anybody. SO WHAT IS IT THAT PROPELS HIM TO MAKE INHUMAN PLAYS LIKE THIS?
IT ALL STARTS AND ENDS WITH THE HAIR.
Troy, much like the legendary Herculean figure Samson, was granted tremendous strength by god to combat his enemies and perform heroic feats unachievable by ordinary humans. This strength, my friends, resides within his hair. Without it, Troy is nothing but another average human being walking the planet. But WITH it, he has the power to wrestle a lion, slay an entire army with nothing but the jawbone of a donkey, and destroy a temple single handedly.
And what does Troy use to take care of his full, thicker looking hair?
You guessed it... Head and Shoulders.
I have recently gone out and purchased myself a VERY LARGE bottle of Head and Shoulders from Costco and have been experienced a quality of life like I never thought possible. For starters, I have put on 25 pounds of lean muscle over the past 4 months. This is far and beyond better than any protein/creatine/amino acid/AAS supplement I've ever tried, and I'VE TRIED THEM ALL guys. My penis size has also grown by over 70%... IN GIRTH. Thats right. My sense of smell is that of a wolf. Hearing? like a bat. I got promoted at my job. Aced every college course. It's the fountain of youth. If Troy Polamalu trusts it for his hair, then I most definitely would not be brave enough to doubt his judgment for fear that he will come flying through my window and knock my head off as if my name was Kerry Collins.
Lucky for us flawed humans with very average hair, or in some cases, a balding scalp, he keeps the use of his powers strictly within the white lines on Sundays and in front of the cameras. BUT, we can at least feel closer to Troy by being allowed by him to use the same hair grooming product as he uses. Give it a try. It won't give you all of the powers he possesses, those are god given, but it is a life choice that you will never regret.
Aside from imposing his will on NFL offenses, Troy and Troy's hair have been hard at work putting together the start of a great acting career. Troy and Troy's hair star in plenty of HILARIOUS Head and Shoulders commercials like these ones seen here:
There is no question that either Troy, or Troy's hair, wrote these commercials. There is no other logical explanation for something so awesome. These should motivate you to go run out and pick up your own bottle of magic shampoo. Report back here with your life changing results and then praise Troy Polamalu. Oh, and one more thing.. Troy says to click the ads on the page before you leave. You wouldn't want to disappoint him, would you? Didn't think so.